Want to Try Something New?

Do you know that feeling that you just want to run away, break out, go wild? I am not talking about the wildness you can experience at a party or at a summer camp game. I am speaking about that strong inner conviction, that there must be more. That knowing, that you were born for more.


What are you doing with this feeling when it comes up? Are you numbing it with a good movie or a yummy glass of red wine? We’ve all done that. Several times. The question is if there is a time when we stop numbing our heart and get our butt off the chair to actually follow our gut feeling.


Escaping the old and knowing we are born for more can have many faces. It comes in the form of learning piano because you know you’ve got talent, and privily you are dreaming of going to Broadway. It is quitting your full-time job in order to serve at a children’s home or a whale-rescue station. It can be something small like trying that short haircut that you always wanted, but you were too afraid of what others might think. No matter how small or big it is, it is the beginning of something new. Change is good. Change is healthy.


I’ve been through several changes in my life. Yes, I’ve tried green and pink hair. Once I colored it yellow, with black stripes, because those were the colors of my favorite soccer club. I am not into soccer anymore, so this will not happen again.

I hold two degrees, one as an engineer and one as a Social Worker. But most of my life I received no salary for my work and if I did, I more often than not worked in business. I had a few crappy relationships before I received Christ and I used to submit to almost every man who grasped my attention. I was married and very involved in my church. Then, a few years later I found myself divorced and without a church community. I tried Buddhism before I found Christ and studied the theories of the most accepted philosophers. I learned the piano and the guitar before I decided to focus on singing only. I collected books so I would look wise in the eyes of others until I sold them all cause I couldn’t carry them with me around the world and started reading ebooks. Now my bookshelves are empty and no-one will ever know if I am smart or not. :-)

I smoked for more than 10 years – and not only cigarettes. Today I am a fanatic health ambassador and secretly judge every smoker who walks by. I used to watch TV all day, while studying, now I don’t own a TV anymore.


I smoked for more than 10 years – and not only cigarettes. Today I am a fanatic health ambassador and secretly judge every smoker who walks by. I used to watch TV all day while studying, now I don’t own a TV anymore.eason for all those changes is that I knew and I still know that there is more. There is more to discover, more to learn. And I want to become a better person as I grow older. I want to be known as a wise decision-maker. But in order to be that person I must learn how it feels and looks like to make stupid decisions. At least, making stupid decisions is often better than not making one at all. Stagnation is from the enemy and it always leads to a decrease of whatever you are sitting on. You cannot brood over money. The amount will decrease because eventually, we all have to eat. It’s the same with our skills and our friendships. If you do nothing with it and for it, the results you’ll find won’t be satisfying.

That is a little extreme, hey? It sounds like I am addicted to change? I am telling you, at times it feels like it. And often I just want to do the one thing I will keep doing forever. But the truth is, that the reason for all those changes is that I knew and I still know that there is more. There is more to discover, more to learn. And I want to become a better person as I grow older. I want to be known as a wise decision-maker. But in order to be that person I must learn how it feels and looks like to make stupid decisions. At least, making stupid decisions is often better than not making one at all. Stagnation is from the enemy and it always leads to a decrease of whatever you are sitting on. You cannot brood over money. The amount will decrease because eventually, we all have to eat. It’s the same with our skills and our friendships. If you do nothing with it and for it, the results you’ll find won’t be satisfying.


I have learned that smoking stinks (and I want rather smell like baby skin or flowers) and that eating healthy gives me more energy, and that I look better. I don’t have to stay in an abusive relationship and if I feel like it’s right to change jobs, then that is because I know I can do better. I don’t have to live up to the expectations of others, including those of my family. And I can hold four Masters or PhDs if I want, and use my new learned skills to start something entirely new. Something, that has never been there before. I can only focus on one thing at a time, so I sold the TV. And I’ve started listening to Audiobooks because that way I can clean my house while I am listening to great stories and teachings.


I know there is more. I am 100% convinced I can do better. I can manage my household better. I can be a better spouse and friend. I want to become a financially independent person.

BUT I will keep my blonde long hair.




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SEEKING BEAUTY

© 2020 by Shiloh Zache.